When I asked my daughter about her Fall classes, she said she was excited about them all! When I asked for more particulars, she explained that one teaching fellow asked the students to, “Please come into class confused. The reading is hard, the language archaic, but just do it anyway and come to class confused.” I so love that! It reminds us that our intention for the classroom is “to learn,” rather than “to impress,” “to sound smart,” “to get a good grade.”

I worked with a woman who was top of her field, but found herself suddenly unable to speak in a continuing education class of her peers. She came to me to find her voice. She said...Read on.

As communicators, what is at risk of we do not speak out? I ask this of my clients all the time. We often focus on fears around possible negative outcomes if we DO speak out: What if I get fired? What if they laugh at me? What if she leaves me? What if I am shamed? Cast out? Abandoned? What if I hurt them? What if I say it wrong? What if…

All of these are valid fears and potentially life-altering answers will come back to us.

And yet…What is at risk if we do not speak up?

What is at risk in our homes, in our...Read on.

When Charles and Elizabeth Handy were a young couple, they lived in Malaysia where Charles worked for an oil company.

He was doing everything “right”—married, a stable job, with plans for children, a house, the whole package.

One day, his canny and remarkable wife, Elizabeth asked him a few questions he had never asked himself:

• Are you genuinely happy?

• Do you love your work? Are you proud of what you do?

• Is our marriage together what you dreamed of?

To each question Charles answered, “It’s OK.”

Liz would have none of that. She knew...Read on.

Last week we talked about having the courage to ask the hard questions, questions that may make us vulnerable, but which may open up new possibilities and opportunities. This week, we are the person being asked. This week, we need the courage to listen.

The first and most important thing to do is to...Read on.

Sometimes we are afraid to ask important questions because we do not want to know the answers. This is common in close relationships, as well as at work. And if the status quo is fine, then why take the risk? However, sometimes we need to summon the courage to ask these questions in order for a relationship to grow, in order for new opportunities to arise. Of course, we risk something when we ask questions that open us up to others. We may be rejected, we may get a clear “no” in response, the relationship may not be strong enough to bear the answers, we may change the nature of the relationship; we may feel exposed, vulnerable, even ashamed. There are many very good reasons not to ask certain questions. But what is at stake if we do not? We have to ask this of ourselves, as well. What do we risk if we never put into words those things we most would love to have? We might risk having a deeper relationship, a promotion, a connection, an opportunity.

This week, make a list ...Read on.

“Vocation is the place where our deep gladness meets the world’s deep need.”

—Frederick Buechner--

This practice can apply to any kind of interview where we (feel) we are being chosen for something—jobs, schools, internships. All of these situations set up a power dynamic—the chooser and the chosen—that can rattle us, make us feel desperate, make us feel like we have to brag about ourselves and our accomplishments. We can fall into the “pick me!” mentality, rather than picking ourselves.

Please let that go.

Aside from the basics (to make enough money, to get experience and education), why are we applying for this opportunity? Usually, it is to find a great fit for what we want, what they want, what we have to offer, what they have to offer.

RESEARCH

Well before the interview...Read on.

In this series about rehearsal using the five senses, we’ve talked about using sound, taste, sight, and touch. This last rehearsal prompt, invites us to use the sense of smell in rehearsal. There is a wonderful saying in the movement practice, the Nia Technique: “smell the moment.” As speakers, in that liminal space just after we’ve rehearsed and warmed-up and just before we open our mouths to speak, we take a breath and smell the moment. We look into the audience, read the room, take in the faces, the space, this specific, particular, unique, exact moment. This is perhaps my favorite moment, when we are ready, alert, and waiting, peeking over the precipice, through the curtain, our hand on the door before turning the knob. I remember waiting back stage in that liminal space. I was listening to the audience, their chatter and laughter, the programs murmuring, the chairs scraping, the ushers ushering, the expectation and delight. One of the actors asked if I was nervous. I said...Read on.

In this series on using the five senses in rehearsal, we have talked about sound, taste, and last week, sight where we showed the content through movement. This week, we look at using TOUCH in the rehearsal process in a very particular way. We start with … Read on.

In this series on rehearsal techniques, we are focusing on using the five senses as a way to play with our content. When we prepare for a talk, an interview, a training, even a tricky conversation, it’s important to surprise ourselves by using techniques that bring out the unexpected. We often think of preparation as simply “looking over” or “running through” the content. This is great for familiarizing ourselves, but keeps our relationship with the content pretty superficial. In rehearsal, we deepen that relationship, giving the content an aliveness, a spontaneity. We’ve talked about hearing the sound of the words, tasting the language, and this week we use sight: we use our bodies to show the words, to move them. We’ve all seen speakers who seem divorced from their bodies, their arms, faces, breathing held tight, rigid, as if they are more electronic speaker than human speaker. By showing the content in our bodies…Read on.

In this series on rehearsing using the five senses, we have covered SOUND and now move on to TASTE. Yes, taste. How do we taste the words? We play with the words in our mouths. We practice tasting the words whenever we use technical terms, terms of art, jargon, foreign words, acronyms, and names. It’s also helpful if we find ourselves tripping over certain words or phrases. When in the play, The Other Place,by Sharr White, there was a particularly sticky phrase I could not pronounce without slurring, tripping, or dropping the words. It was a simple phrase, “What good would it have done?” However, I could not get it out of my mouth. In my warm-up before walking onto the stage, I added a practice of…Read on.

In this rehearsal process, we first start with…SOUND. Of course, communicators must be heard, so sound matters. The mic matters, how we use the mic matters, how we articulate matters, our volume and tone matter. But before we find ourselves on the stage or in a heated conversation, we must rehearse. A rehearsal technique that bakes one layer of life into our communication is to focus on the sound of the words and allow for that sound to inform our performance. In my early twenties, I was lucky enough to study at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art with…Read on.

Many people ask me, “How do you rehearse for a talk? What exactly do I DO?” Last week we discussed the painting technique, “verdaccio,” layering vivid and chaotic colors over a “dead layer” of gray-green to create a skin-tone that has life. I use this same theory of layering for rehearsing communication—anything from keynotes to tricky conversations. Last Spring I was asked to do a talk for Charlottesville’s Tom Tom Foundation event, Quintessence, curated by Darcy Gentleman and the Cville BioHub. The audience was made up of people from the words of STEM and academia, as well as curious artists. Darcy asked that we use the idea of “quintessence,” to guide us. He was not using this term in its usual sense as the “purest form of something,” but thinking more about the roots of the word, literally, the “fifth essence.” For me, this means the fives senses or essential somatic experiences. Our senses offer us a spectacular way to rehearse using quintessential verdaccio. I find rehearsing with the senses particularly helpful with clients who need to translate their work for a non-specialist audience, fields that…Read on.

During the Renaissance, artists developed a painting technique that brought a sense of depth and luminosity to human skin: verdaccio, from the Italian word, “verde,” meaning green. They would start with an underpainting of the least alive color: gray-green. Think hospital green. The Flemmish call this the “dead layer.” The artist would then apply layer upon layer of vivid color: cadmium red, yellow ochre, ultramarine blue, burnt sienna. Oddly, this chaotic jumble of color renders something deeply authentic and organically human: the skin has depth and pulses with life. This is how I think of rehearsal. In rehearsal…Read on.

My friend, the wonderful movement teacher and writer, Susan McCulley, wrote a post about how we use language that just floored me. Susan asks, for instance, what if we substituted the word “aging” for the word “living?” “She’s aging well,” becomes…Read on.

Years ago, I found myself single and playing the numbers game: “If I’m 36 now, and still do not have a life-partner, and don’t think I’ve met the right person in all these years, and if I want to have kids and may not be able to as I near and pass 40, and my dad isn’t well, and maybe will never see his grandchildren, what are the chances…” My undaunted therapist said, “That’s not the right numbers game. The numbers game I want you to play is this: date as many people as you can, sharing your real self right off the bat, and move on when it’s clear this isn’t working.” OK, so I think I met my husband that month. The brilliance here is two-fold: first,…Read on,

There is an oft unspoken skill that performers seem to know, but have no memory of being taught. That is because this is something that we do not experience in rehearsal, only in performance: riding the wave of laughter and applause. We may not know what a certain audience will find funny and we are often surprised if there is applause during a performance. We expect applause at the end, but how to know the right moment to leave the stage? When do we come back for a second or third bow? We learn this skill only by performing before a live audience. Mid-performance, the skill is to ride the wave of applause or laughter and then, just as the wave begins to wane, jump in and continue decisively and with vocal strength. There is a sweet spot to hit that is somewhat intuitive. If we ignore the audience and keep talking or jump in too soon…Read on.

I did this interview because…maybe it would be cool, maybe it would be good for my work, maybe it would find its way to clients. I’m not sure any of that happened. I do know that I had the unexpected pleasure of learning something about myself. I found the questions brought out surprising answers. This week, we take out a journal and ask ourselves the seemingly simple and general questions I was asked by Canvas Rebel. Let me know what you learn. …Read on.

Whenever my daughter, Anya, comes home to Charlottesville, she signs up to play a new song at the open mic at The Local. This is no regular open mic: the emcee and host is the extraordinary musician and human, Michael Clem of the band, Eddie From Ohio. Every week he gives a prompt for writers and many come in with songs inspired by that prompt. You can bring in anything, as long as it is original. Then, the backing band, made up of a drummer, lead guitar, and bass, play with the musician on a song they have never heard before! It’s an alchemy of live music, improvisation, and love. For Anya, it feels like coming home. She’s been playing there since she was twelve and Michael always makes her and everyone feel known and held in the family of music. Last week, Anya played her song, The Alchemist, which felt just right for the alchemy in the room. On our way out, Michael asked us for a prompt. Since I’d just written the “Yes, and…” post, I tossed it out as a prompt for the song writers. As if to prove the point, Michael took that YES of the prompt, and ANDED the hell out of it by writing this incredible song….Read on.

We’ve all heard the great improv practice, “Yes, and…” and maybe even played a few improv games in high school theater class. As an actor it’s common to warm up with a round of “Yes, and...” Yet, it is one of those exercises I felt should remain on stage; off-stage, it seemed to be merely a way of hijacking a conversation. A few years ago the true depth of the practice became clear as I began to see skillful communicators using it to move conversations and processes out of stuck places and to invite in creativity. It is generous and generative. Why YES?…Read on.

YES! We dream of a beach house. NO! We can’t afford to buy a beach house. YES! We can rent a beach house for a week! Years ago my husband kindly paraphrased the lessons from a book I can’t even remember the name of on how to say NO. He said, no need to read the book, here is the gist: Yes. No. Yes. Little did he know that he had supplied me with perhaps the most useful and versatile communication skill ever. I use Yes/No/Yes to: say ‘no;’ to set boundaries; to avoid Rabbit Holes in tricky conversations, in contentious interviews, with derailing questions at public events; it is the best way to disagree without offending others; it anchors us in what we need while keeping the door open to further conversation and collaboration, and it combines self-respect and respect for others. How does it work? Read on…