Communication Magic: Yes/No/Yes

• Yes, we dream of a beach house.

• No, we can’t afford to buy a beach house.

• Yes, we can rent a beach house for a week!

Years ago my husband kindly paraphrased the lessons from a book I can’t even remember the name of on how to say NO. He said, no need to read the book, here is the gist:

Yes. No. Yes.

Little did he know that he had supplied me with perhaps the most useful and versatile communication skill ever.

I use Yes/No/Yes to: say ‘no;’ to set boundaries; to avoid Rabbit Holes in tricky conversations, in contentious interviews, with derailing questions at public events; it is the best way to disagree without offending others; it anchors us in what we need while keeping the door open to further conversation and collaboration, and it combines self-respect and respect for others.

How does it work?

• YES—Acknowledge

• NO—Set a boundary

• YES—Offer alternatives

Here are some examples.

Rabbit Hole:

• (Yes) I hear your complaint and it is totally valid.

• (No) I’m sorry I don’t have time to address it in this talk, but…

• (Yes) let’s meet after the event for a few minutes.

Disagreement in Team Meeting:

• (Yes) I understand why you’d like to go with the cheaper components.

• (No) However, the vendor is unreliable and the quality is really low.

• (Yes) I’m happy to work with you to do more research until we find a vendor that has both a lower cost, is reliable, and has the quality our clients deserve.

Setting a Boundary:

• (Yes) I really love you.

• (No) Right now, I really need time alone.

• (Yes) When I’m through this hard patch, can we find a time to really hang out?

This week, try it out! And let me know how it goes!