Communication Magic: “Yes! And…”
We’ve all heard the great improv practice, “Yes, and…” and maybe even played a few improv games in high school theater class. As an actor it’s common to warm up with a round of “Yes, and...” Yet, it is one of those exercises I felt should remain on stage; off-stage, it seemed to be merely a way of hijacking a conversation.
A few years ago the true depth of the practice became clear as I began to see skillful communicators using it to move conversations and processes out of stuck places and to invite in creativity. It is generous and generative.
Why YES?
A stated or implied “no,” ends a creative process, negates ideas, and closes others down.
In improv, the first person to speak creates an offer. The other actor is required to accept that offer and build on it. What if they reject the offer? There is no scene!
A ‘no’, implied or stated, ends a scene.
“Grandma! I’ve missed you!”
“I’m not your grandma. I’ve never seen you before.”
End scene.
A “yes” moves us immediately into the reality of the scene, co-created on the spot. A whole world opens up.
The “yes” simply means that we are acknowledging what another person offers, no matter how ridiculous, far-fetched, or maybe even obvious.
A ‘yes,’ builds a scene.
“Grandma! I’ve missed you!”
“Sonny! What took you so long? Please take me out of here! They sent me away!”
The story comes to life.
AND
The “and” is our own contribution, building on their offering. Simple as this sounds, this generous gesture builds ideas, relationships, trust, and teams. In the above dialogue, “Sonny!” is the YES. “What took you so long? Please take me out of here! They sent me away!” is the AND, which builds on the initial offer of being grandmother and grandchild.
In business it might look like:
“How about advertising on a billboard?”
We might want to jump into the NO, all the reasons-why-NOT: “That’s too expensive.” “Our customers live downtown and walk everywhere so how would they see the billboard?” “Are billboards the best way to advertise these days? We should be using more social media.” All great observations and maybe exactly right. But think of the possibility to discover something novel that our reasons-why-not eclipse? When we say no, it stops the creative process in its tracks. Instead, maybe offer something like: “A billboard! I love it! It could read, ‘Analogue is the new digital! Notice the world around you and get your eyes off the screen!” “Cool! And the whole theme would be anti-social media, kind of a retro/cool vibe. We could use pre-digital graphics…” Just play a little. Find something to say YES to and then build on it.
Things to watch out for:
Yes, but…
Yes, however…
These are negating and put the other person on the defensive.
And as always, if something is offensive, aggressive, destructive, no need to “Yes, and…” It’s fine to put up a strong boundary, say no, walk away.
This week, see what happens when we use “Yes, and…” at brainstorming sessions, in contentious conversations, or when a process feels stuck.
*And if you want to see genius improvisors “Yes, and-ing,” riffing off of each other, showing just how this practice buoys the group to creative discoveries, nothing beats Spinal Tap’s David St. Hubbins (Michael McKean), Nigel Tufnel (Christopher Guest), and Derek Smalls (Harry Shearer), talking about jazz.