Boundaries

Just after I posted last week’s blog about generosity (thanks, Jake!), I began to think about overflowing generosity, endless outpourings, infinite neediness, The Giving Tree, boundless desire, the eternal teat, being bled dry. Yes, I am a parent. The expectation of limitless generosity that some of us might feel, is not healthy. For anyone—not the giver, nor the receiver.

So how do we maintain our abundant generosity and our whole selves? How do we balance taking care of ourselves and giving to others? I talk a little about this in the post on How to Say NO. Much of saying NO is simply setting a boundary. But I was struggling with how to recognize that boundary, how do we know how much is enough to give?

In Maya Angelou’s book, Letter to My Daughter, she has a chapter on Philanthropy where she speaks of generosity as giving even a little when we have a little extra. I love that. A clear sense of when to give is when we have extra. Extra energy, extra food, extra time. She says everyone can be a philanthropist!

The other day, I got into my car and tuned into the middle of an interview with Brene Brown on 1A with Jenn White. Ms. Brown was talking about boundaries and quoted a colleague, Prentis Hemphill:

“Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.”

Thank you. Now I understand.

This week, we continue to play with generosity while also taking good care of our precious selves.