Years ago, I found myself single and playing the numbers game: “If I’m 36 now, and still do not have a life-partner, and don’t think I’ve met the right person in all these years, and if I want to have kids and may not be able to as I near and pass 40, and my dad isn’t well, and maybe will never see his grandchildren, what are the chances…” My undaunted therapist said, “That’s not the right numbers game. The numbers game I want you to play is this: date as many people as you can, sharing your real self right off the bat, and move on when it’s clear this isn’t working.” OK, so I think I met my husband that month. The brilliance here is two-fold: first,…Read on,

YES! We dream of a beach house. NO! We can’t afford to buy a beach house. YES! We can rent a beach house for a week! Years ago my husband kindly paraphrased the lessons from a book I can’t even remember the name of on how to say NO. He said, no need to read the book, here is the gist: Yes. No. Yes. Little did he know that he had supplied me with perhaps the most useful and versatile communication skill ever. I use Yes/No/Yes to: say ‘no;’ to set boundaries; to avoid Rabbit Holes in tricky conversations, in contentious interviews, with derailing questions at public events; it is the best way to disagree without offending others; it anchors us in what we need while keeping the door open to further conversation and collaboration, and it combines self-respect and respect for others. How does it work? Read on…