“Vocation is the place where our deep gladness meets the world’s deep need.”

—Frederick Buechner--

This practice can apply to any kind of interview where we (feel) we are being chosen for something—jobs, schools, internships. All of these situations set up a power dynamic—the chooser and the chosen—that can rattle us, make us feel desperate, make us feel like we have to brag about ourselves and our accomplishments. We can fall into the “pick me!” mentality, rather than picking ourselves.

Please let that go.

Aside from the basics (to make enough money, to get experience and education), why are we applying for this opportunity? Usually, it is to find a great fit for what we want, what they want, what we have to offer, what they have to offer.

RESEARCH

Well before the interview...Read on.

In this series about rehearsal using the five senses, we’ve talked about using sound, taste, sight, and touch. This last rehearsal prompt, invites us to use the sense of smell in rehearsal. There is a wonderful saying in the movement practice, the Nia Technique: “smell the moment.” As speakers, in that liminal space just after we’ve rehearsed and warmed-up and just before we open our mouths to speak, we take a breath and smell the moment. We look into the audience, read the room, take in the faces, the space, this specific, particular, unique, exact moment. This is perhaps my favorite moment, when we are ready, alert, and waiting, peeking over the precipice, through the curtain, our hand on the door before turning the knob. I remember waiting back stage in that liminal space. I was listening to the audience, their chatter and laughter, the programs murmuring, the chairs scraping, the ushers ushering, the expectation and delight. One of the actors asked if I was nervous. I said...Read on.

In this series on using the five senses in rehearsal, we have talked about sound, taste, and last week, sight where we showed the content through movement. This week, we look at using TOUCH in the rehearsal process in a very particular way. We start with … Read on.

In this series on rehearsal techniques, we are focusing on using the five senses as a way to play with our content. When we prepare for a talk, an interview, a training, even a tricky conversation, it’s important to surprise ourselves by using techniques that bring out the unexpected. We often think of preparation as simply “looking over” or “running through” the content. This is great for familiarizing ourselves, but keeps our relationship with the content pretty superficial. In rehearsal, we deepen that relationship, giving the content an aliveness, a spontaneity. We’ve talked about hearing the sound of the words, tasting the language, and this week we use sight: we use our bodies to show the words, to move them. We’ve all seen speakers who seem divorced from their bodies, their arms, faces, breathing held tight, rigid, as if they are more electronic speaker than human speaker. By showing the content in our bodies…Read on.

In this series on rehearsing using the five senses, we have covered SOUND and now move on to TASTE. Yes, taste. How do we taste the words? We play with the words in our mouths. We practice tasting the words whenever we use technical terms, terms of art, jargon, foreign words, acronyms, and names. It’s also helpful if we find ourselves tripping over certain words or phrases. When in the play, The Other Place,by Sharr White, there was a particularly sticky phrase I could not pronounce without slurring, tripping, or dropping the words. It was a simple phrase, “What good would it have done?” However, I could not get it out of my mouth. In my warm-up before walking onto the stage, I added a practice of…Read on.

In this rehearsal process, we first start with…SOUND. Of course, communicators must be heard, so sound matters. The mic matters, how we use the mic matters, how we articulate matters, our volume and tone matter. But before we find ourselves on the stage or in a heated conversation, we must rehearse. A rehearsal technique that bakes one layer of life into our communication is to focus on the sound of the words and allow for that sound to inform our performance. In my early twenties, I was lucky enough to study at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art with…Read on.

Many people ask me, “How do you rehearse for a talk? What exactly do I DO?” Last week we discussed the painting technique, “verdaccio,” layering vivid and chaotic colors over a “dead layer” of gray-green to create a skin-tone that has life. I use this same theory of layering for rehearsing communication—anything from keynotes to tricky conversations. Last Spring I was asked to do a talk for Charlottesville’s Tom Tom Foundation event, Quintessence, curated by Darcy Gentleman and the Cville BioHub. The audience was made up of people from the words of STEM and academia, as well as curious artists. Darcy asked that we use the idea of “quintessence,” to guide us. He was not using this term in its usual sense as the “purest form of something,” but thinking more about the roots of the word, literally, the “fifth essence.” For me, this means the fives senses or essential somatic experiences. Our senses offer us a spectacular way to rehearse using quintessential verdaccio. I find rehearsing with the senses particularly helpful with clients who need to translate their work for a non-specialist audience, fields that…Read on.

During the Renaissance, artists developed a painting technique that brought a sense of depth and luminosity to human skin: verdaccio, from the Italian word, “verde,” meaning green. They would start with an underpainting of the least alive color: gray-green. Think hospital green. The Flemmish call this the “dead layer.” The artist would then apply layer upon layer of vivid color: cadmium red, yellow ochre, ultramarine blue, burnt sienna. Oddly, this chaotic jumble of color renders something deeply authentic and organically human: the skin has depth and pulses with life. This is how I think of rehearsal. In rehearsal…Read on.

My friend, the wonderful movement teacher and writer, Susan McCulley, wrote a post about how we use language that just floored me. Susan asks, for instance, what if we substituted the word “aging” for the word “living?” “She’s aging well,” becomes…Read on.

Years ago, I found myself single and playing the numbers game: “If I’m 36 now, and still do not have a life-partner, and don’t think I’ve met the right person in all these years, and if I want to have kids and may not be able to as I near and pass 40, and my dad isn’t well, and maybe will never see his grandchildren, what are the chances…” My undaunted therapist said, “That’s not the right numbers game. The numbers game I want you to play is this: date as many people as you can, sharing your real self right off the bat, and move on when it’s clear this isn’t working.” OK, so I think I met my husband that month. The brilliance here is two-fold: first,…Read on,

There is an oft unspoken skill that performers seem to know, but have no memory of being taught. That is because this is something that we do not experience in rehearsal, only in performance: riding the wave of laughter and applause. We may not know what a certain audience will find funny and we are often surprised if there is applause during a performance. We expect applause at the end, but how to know the right moment to leave the stage? When do we come back for a second or third bow? We learn this skill only by performing before a live audience. Mid-performance, the skill is to ride the wave of applause or laughter and then, just as the wave begins to wane, jump in and continue decisively and with vocal strength. There is a sweet spot to hit that is somewhat intuitive. If we ignore the audience and keep talking or jump in too soon…Read on.

I did this interview because…maybe it would be cool, maybe it would be good for my work, maybe it would find its way to clients. I’m not sure any of that happened. I do know that I had the unexpected pleasure of learning something about myself. I found the questions brought out surprising answers. This week, we take out a journal and ask ourselves the seemingly simple and general questions I was asked by Canvas Rebel. Let me know what you learn. …Read on.

Whenever my daughter, Anya, comes home to Charlottesville, she signs up to play a new song at the open mic at The Local. This is no regular open mic: the emcee and host is the extraordinary musician and human, Michael Clem of the band, Eddie From Ohio. Every week he gives a prompt for writers and many come in with songs inspired by that prompt. You can bring in anything, as long as it is original. Then, the backing band, made up of a drummer, lead guitar, and bass, play with the musician on a song they have never heard before! It’s an alchemy of live music, improvisation, and love. For Anya, it feels like coming home. She’s been playing there since she was twelve and Michael always makes her and everyone feel known and held in the family of music. Last week, Anya played her song, The Alchemist, which felt just right for the alchemy in the room. On our way out, Michael asked us for a prompt. Since I’d just written the “Yes, and…” post, I tossed it out as a prompt for the song writers. As if to prove the point, Michael took that YES of the prompt, and ANDED the hell out of it by writing this incredible song….Read on.

We’ve all heard the great improv practice, “Yes, and…” and maybe even played a few improv games in high school theater class. As an actor it’s common to warm up with a round of “Yes, and...” Yet, it is one of those exercises I felt should remain on stage; off-stage, it seemed to be merely a way of hijacking a conversation. A few years ago the true depth of the practice became clear as I began to see skillful communicators using it to move conversations and processes out of stuck places and to invite in creativity. It is generous and generative. Why YES?…Read on.

YES! We dream of a beach house. NO! We can’t afford to buy a beach house. YES! We can rent a beach house for a week! Years ago my husband kindly paraphrased the lessons from a book I can’t even remember the name of on how to say NO. He said, no need to read the book, here is the gist: Yes. No. Yes. Little did he know that he had supplied me with perhaps the most useful and versatile communication skill ever. I use Yes/No/Yes to: say ‘no;’ to set boundaries; to avoid Rabbit Holes in tricky conversations, in contentious interviews, with derailing questions at public events; it is the best way to disagree without offending others; it anchors us in what we need while keeping the door open to further conversation and collaboration, and it combines self-respect and respect for others. How does it work? Read on…

It may sound counter-intuitive, but as communicators, we must go slow to go fast. As a speed-speaker, I can attest that when I speak quickly, my audience is lost. When I breathe and scaffold my communication, the audience comes with me. Many things contribute to my hare-like tempo: anxiety, an internal sense that I should hurry up to make space for others, and the disconnection from my audience that results. Admittedly Type A, I like to check things off of my list, get this conversation or talk over with. Talking without stopping is also correlated with domineering—not leaving space for others, controlling the interaction. But of course, if the purpose of communication is to have an impact, to create relationship, to share, then simply skipping through those precious moments without connection is a waste of everyone’s time. We leave our audience baffled and bored. So how do we slow down?…Read on.

Some of us might have an internal sense of limitations, or “Phantom Ceiling.” Like the Glass Ceiling, this ceiling keeps us down. Unlike the Glass Ceiling, the Phantom Ceiling only exists in our minds. We may well bump up against the Glass Ceiling, may even break through the glass ceiling, but the Phantom Ceiling is just that: a phantom. Often invisible, unknown, unseen, leaving us unaware of its presence. We may know those for whom that internal ceiling doesn’t exist. Or those who, in becoming aware of the Phantom Ceiling, made the choice to abandon it. Where does it come from, this Phantom Ceiling?…Read on.

Last week we talked about picking ourselves, not waiting on the side-lines for someone to notice us, stepping up, raising our hands. This week, we find ways to recognize and pick others. Think about the times we have been picked. It’s a profound gift when someone we respect sees us, or sees a quality in us, and gives us a chance to grow into that possibility. When my father, Warren Bennis, interviewed John Gardener in his book Geeks and Geezers, Gardener talked about being tapped by President Kennedy to be Secretary of Health, Education, and Welfare. He had been a professor of at Mount Holyoke College and had no political ambitions. He said something like, “It was as if I had been waiting to see what life could pull out of me.” While at HEW, Gardener created…Read on.

This is Edwina. She’s about to go on stage to sing with the band, We Are Star Children. She is radiant, ebullient, in love with this moment. She looks like someone who said, “I want to do this.” And then picked herself. And did it. Of course, it is an amazing feeling to be picked, to have someone reach out and say: “You should run for this office.” “Would you like to go out sometime?” “We’d like to offer you this promotion.” “You have just the right qualities to lead others. We’d like you to lead this team.” It’s important, to be seen, valued, wanted. It makes us feel special. But it’s also passive. My sister and I wrote a whole screenplay about a guy who…Read on.

Last week I wrote about the Warren Bennis Leadership Institute Summit. The number of great communicators I was lucky enough to observe was mind-boggling. Here are a few skills and techniques I witnessed: Extreme Preparation. The whole team, from the University of Cincinnati leadership to the student leadership, started twice weekly meetings in January to prepare. As an actor and coach, I know that early and thorough preparation takes us 95% of the way to fluency and confidence. I am often met with clients who are just “too busy” to prepare. And I get it! We prepare during our sessions, if need be. And, when I have the luxury to work with people and organizations who jump right in without hesitation to work through every kink, dot every i, and do so with gusto, I know I’ve found my people. I think that’s why I love stage actors—we are completely IN from warm-up to set strike. Intention: We were lucky that our focus, our intention for the event was crystal clear: to connect people who knew, loved, worked with, studied with, and were influenced by Dad’s work in leadership, with the UC students, staff and faculty. We wanted everyone to know what it was like to be in Dad’s presence. As Pat Zigarmi said…Read on.