This week I was honored to witness an almost indescribable panoply of great communicators. We started with a hybrid virtual/in-person Warren Bennis Leadership Institute Council meeting with 30 people, which included Tom Peters, Ken Blanchard, Joline Godfrey, Joan Goldsmith, Pat Zigarmi, Doug Conant, Ken Cloke, Cynthia Cherrey, Bob Castellini, Dick Thornburgh, Raj Sisodia, and Betsy Myers. As the Chair of the Council, my job was to introduce this esteemed group to the University of Cincinnati’s WBLI leadership team, internal Advisory Board, and student leaders. We could have gone on for days. The enthusiasm and generosity of the Council members filled the room with love: they shared their stories about Dad/Warren, about their passion for leadership development, and the extraordinary moment we find ourselves in today when great leaders are the critical ingredient on all fronts: political, environmental, societal, global, and economic. From there, we moved to a panel discussion with …Read on.

Last week, we spoke about power vs. authority—control vs. influence. This week we talk about the only thing we actually have control over and therefore, the thing we have the greatest responsibility to: our own dear selves. There are certain endeavors that serve as an allegory and training-ground for life. Climbing is one. Meditation is another. Theater, another. We contend with our internal voices and as we befriend, cajole, debate, and reframe, we are able to learn something about ourselves. There’s a saying in theater: “Theater work is life work,” meaning the things we struggle with in acting are often the things we struggle with in life. And we can learn from them. Many years ago, in rehearsal for a play at the Circle Rep Lab, I learned a profound life lesson. I was in a scene with an actor who was…difficult. He dominated, he…Read on.

This photo of Francoise Gilot illustrates a dynamic between power and authority. Picasso: older, male, White, famous, but in the background. Francoise: young, a woman, also a painter, but most famous for being Picasso’s partner. Francoise’ image dominates the photo, not only taking up the space close to the camera, but with her expression—looking towards, but not at her partner, her mouth set, determined, trepidation in her eyes. There is so much to investigate about the balance of power and authority in this photo. It is certainly a complex analysis—a fluid dance between the many ways we gain and lose power and authority as our cultural and organizational values change, as our roles change, as we age, as we accomplish, as we amass wisdom, wealth, and respect. And, importantly, as our own internal sense of confidence and worth shifts and grows. In working with my clients, I find it helpful to distinguish between power and authority. Generally speaking, “power” means …Read on.

Men. Yup. Even before there was a word for this, the conference circuit has been dominated by manels. I think of the Roman Senate as the first official manel. Followed by centuries of governing bodies made up of manels. Our US Supreme Court’s manel lasted almost two centuries before Sandra Day O’Connor made it a plain old panel. Who first recognized and named this phenomenon? It’s a mystery. But Valeria McFarren first started using the term in 2016 with her clients “across the world to bring awareness to this and make changes in their respective organizations.” The president of Chaski Global and co-founder of The She Lab, had been asked, one too many times, to moderate a panel of men, aka, a “manel.” In one egregious example, she sat watching a panel of six men talk about how to solve oppression of women and gender-based violence. Note that Valeria uses the term, “to make changes.” Language can change how we see things, giving us the choice to make changes in our organizations and in our lives. If you’ve heard this term before, it was probably in Elisa Loehnen’s* blog post where you can read Val’s story. I recently looked up an organization and found that it has four employees—all of them…Read on.

In response to last week’s post, The Ten Public Speaking Commandments, Tom Peters sent me this wonderful list written by Darl Kolb after Tom spoke in his class. As you can see in the photograph, the list is precious to Tom. He keeps it close. 10 Lessons for Teachers from Watching Tom Peters by Darl Kolb…Read on.

I. Thou shalt not hide from the audience but shall open to them, share with them, and pull your hair back so that it is not obscuring your expressive face and eyes.

II. Thou shalt not…Read on.

Recently, I was asked to give myself a title. I responded, “Madam.” I just could not give myself a title without cracking a joke. At the University of Cincinnati’s Warren Bennis Leadership Institute , the leadership team is all women: Marianne Lewis, Dean of the Lindner School of Business, Donna Chrobot-Mason, the Executive Director, and Betsy Myers, as Senior Advisor. They all have titles and insisted that I have a title, too. My work with these incredible women is voluntary—I passionately believe that a program to give every one of the 50,000 UC graduate and undergraduate students leadership training can have a profound impact on the world we live in. Leadership with self-knowledge, deep awareness of complex context, ethics, transparency, conflict resolution, vision, and service to others, can right the ship of our democracy. And where better to root this positive revolution than the middle of our country, at a dynamic university with a vibrant co-op program? I get so much out of this—being part of a phenomenal team, taking action when things feel hopeless, that my reward is to respond to my calling. No title needed!

Betsy, my partner in this adventure, doing interviews with many of dad’s esteemed colleagues and inviting them to be an Advisory Board for the institute, gave me a title. She said,…Read on.

“Do you want to buy a bumper sticker? M&Ms? Gatorade? A ball cap?” These kids look so sweet! And we want to support them, right? But what if we do not actually want any of those things? We can say, “No. No thank you. No.” In last week’s post, You Can Always Ask, I encourage us all to ask for what we want, knowing that people can say ‘no.’ We all have a right to ask. And we all have a right to say ‘no.’ But for whatever reason, this simple clarity of boundaries can be hard for us. A friend recently revealed that for the last five years …Read on.

“Can I join you for a game of pool?” “Any chance I can catch a ride?” “Want to go out sometime?” “I’d love to be considered for that job.” “Would you be willing to read and perhaps blurb my book?” “I’d love an introduction to your literary agent/HR person/dean/CFO…” In my mid-thirties I found myself single and thought I might as well throw caution to the wind and ASK my dearest friends if they know a “Great guy. Not just some guy who happens to be single. Someone wonderful.” Every one of them said something like, “Yes! I have always thought you should meet______!” All I had to do was ask and suddenly I was dating five different, fascinating, delightful, men. And I met my husband-to-be around month 3 of this adventure. Asking, letting people know what we want, being open about our dreams and desires, our plans and goals, is like opening a door to a whoosh of opportunity. Why ask? Read on…

“We have two ways to meet: virtual AND in-person.” “Hospitals function best when they serve the person AND the community.” “I like bananas AND apples.” What happens when we stress the AND? The meaningful words on either side are tossed away, forgotten. And for what? A conjunction. This is a pattern I often hear in my clients when giving a talk or presentation. Interestingly, I do not hear this vocal pattern in conversation or daily speech. I would love for the stress to be on the significant AND interesting words. This week…Read on.

Last week I wrote about my son’s New Year’s Eve pronouncement that he wanted to invite more risk into his life. I blurted, “I want that!” When we see something we want—a behavior, a talent, a career, a promotion, a book published—we can either stew in the wanting or take action. In the book Wishcraft by Barbara Sher, the author talks about seeing jealousy and envy as guides, sign-posts telling us to “Go that way!” This re-orientation to comparison has had an enormous impact on my life. As a professional actor, every audition, every acting class, every movie, play and TV show I watched, was a breeding ground for comparison, envy, and jealousy. Like a seething cesspool, these feelings can keep us stuck. And quite unhappy. Maybe even bitter. Barbara Sher’s advice set me free to see the wanting as a gift, telling me more about my own desires. As envy revealed my desires, my desires became my goals. And once I was clear about my goals…Read on.

Every December 31st, our family does some sort of small ritual. Some years we give each other a wish for the next year: ”My wish for you is to find time to paint,” “My wish for you is to find balance and time to rest.” This year we each put forth: one thing we are grateful for, one thing we want to let go of, and one thing we want to invite in. My son, Luke, jumped in: “I’ll go first. I want to invite in risk.” Wow. We all stopped. Wow! Just saying those words sounded risky! I was startled by the simplicity and candor, the clarity and self-knowledge. How courageous it is to consciously choose to go towards those things that scare us—to risk. To risk in order to grow, to do good, to expand ourselves, to experience more, to connect, to do the right thing, to be vulnerable, to love. I was a little jealous, honestly, of that courage. I blurted …Read on.

My friend, Dana Ainsworth, created something called, The Wonder Club. She curates experiences to bring us back to a sense of wonder. Her events are heavily structured and developed in advance so that we are effortlessly tossed into a wild, chaotic, whimsical moment of deep connection with ourselves and with the group. That, is sway. Again, we start with structure in order to find freedom. What are the structures, the skills and techniques, we practice so that we communicate with sway in our lives? can tell you mine…Read on.

This photo illustrates everything I want to share about having sway in relationships: the four dear friends deeply connected, their arms wrapped tight, embracing, girding, protecting, and yet separate, each individual freely expresses their own, joy, mischief, exuberance. In this series we have been playing with techniques to cultivate sway in our bodies, our content, and our work. A deep grounding, like tree roots, allows for strong branches to dance with the elements. How does this principal apply to relationships? How do we create relationships that sway, adapt, change, relationships that are deeply grounded, yet responsive to the dynamic elements of life? Read on…

“Be regular and orderly in your life, so that you may be violent and original in your work.” — Gustave Flaubert. I love this quote from Flaubert. It makes me think of the small, repetitive movements of a farmer moving along a row of earth, planting seed after seed after seed, orderly and regular. The farmer knows that this calm and mundane routine will coax wild roots to descend and twisting tendrils to wind their way skyward.

All of the work we do together—in blog posts, trainings, coaching sessions, key notes—has the same message: prepare, become fluent, then play.

In the workplace, this means…Read on.

On January 1, 2023, this post appeared. That morning, one year ago, as I contemplated the forthcoming year, I announced what I wanted. And it surprised me. I’d asked this question of myself quite a few times since discovering the yellowed cardboard with my mother’s particular penmanship after her death. Nothing I’d announced had hit just right. Mostly, I answered with things I thought I should want, or things that my inner Facebook-Ad-Life-Coach thought I should want: “To work with famous clients who are doing good in the world, like Michelle Obama, Greta Thunberg, Doctor’s Without Borders, Kamala Harris, and Malala Yousafzai.” It sounded great, to reach high as I entered the Empty Nest years. But it didn’t feel great. It felt superficial. I’m already working with people and organizations who expertly, thoughtfully, passionately, doggedly, make positive change for us all. I am constantly amazed, challenged, awakened, and thrilled by their purpose, their words, their vital work in the world. I am honored to work with them. I am grateful. It is more than enough. So, on the first day of 2023 the surprising thing I found myself announcing, out-loud, to the quiet morning kitchen was::…Read on.

Yesterday, in the rush-hour, holiday, crush of manic grocery-buying, I saw a man with one item join the long line behind me and my laden cart. I told him he could go before me. The woman in front of me offered the same, so he got right to the front of the line. He bought his item and left. The woman in front of me unloaded her cart and as she prepared to pay, the cashier said, “That man left 50.00 towards your groceries.” She was warmed and surprised. She asked if the store had a way to donate the money and then offered the 50.00 to their Food Bank drive. As you have probably guessed, when it came time for me to pay, the cashier smiled and said, “He left another 50 for you.” Ours went to the Food Bank, too. My daughter and I left with so many emotions and thoughts. Mostly a wave joy and gratitude. And the spark of play. “I wish I could have run outside and thanked him! I can’t believe this! …Read on.

My office-mate, Elisa Wood, energy writer, editor, and publisher, has this stickie note on the computer where she regularly hosts virtual meetings, conferences, and interviews. “Talk slower,” is her kindly nudge from her composed self to her harried self. She knows her communication habit: she speeds up when anxious, when excited, when raring to go. My tendency is to do the same thing during talks and trainings—gallop breathlessly ahead. My inner stickie note is a mantra: …Read on.

In this photo of the extraordinary actor/writer/director, Priyanka Shetty, notice her eyes. Notice her warmth, her depth, her open connection with…the camera? No! Priyanka is looking, it seems, right into our own eyes. Of course, in reality, she is looking into a cylindrical piece of glass. There is a skill to creating that intimacy—to remembering that though we see a piece of machinery, our audience will feel that we see THEM. Virtual communication offers us the chance to get cosy, create a sense of intimacy and connection with others. Think of a great actor in a film close-up. We see every emotion, every thought, we sense their humanity and feel their presence. We feel close to them. In virtual meetings, we rarely take advantage of this ripe opportunity. Rather, we tend to…Read on.

I am totally obsessed with the improvised swing dance competitions. The contestants are paired randomly, a song begins, and they have a minute or two to create a dance. Before the music begins, they physically connect. There is a sense of danger and play. Upon hearing the music, one of them tosses out a stylistic gesture that becomes a theme and both lead and follow using the very strict form of swing dance. They know exactly what to expect and have no idea what will happen. They have sway.

In the same way that we must be rooted in order to find sway in our bodies, we must have a structure in order to find sway in the content of our talks, agendas, and even tricky conversations.

In the post, Memorizing vs. Knowing a Talk, we looked at finding the balance between the rigid monotony that can come from memorizing and the inconsistency that can come from “winging it.” The balance is found, once more, in form and freedom. Preparation matters. Form matters. Only then, can we let go and play with abandon. Ask a professional improvisor how many years of study and hours of rehearsal have they clocked in order to become fluent enough in the form to find their sway. The form I like for most presentations and speeches is…Read on.