“I want that!” Envy as a sign post
Last week I wrote about my son’s New Year’s Eve pronouncement that he wanted to invite more risk into his life. I blurted, “I want that!” When we see something we want—a behavior, a talent, a career, a promotion, a book published—we can either stew in the wanting or take action.
In the book Wishcraft by Barbara Sher, the author talks about seeing jealousy and envy as guides, sign-posts telling us to “Go that way!” This re-orientation to comparison has had an enormous impact on my life. As a professional actor, every audition, every acting class, every movie, play and TV show I watched, was a breeding ground for comparison, envy, and jealousy. Like a seething cesspool, these feelings can keep us stuck. And quite unhappy. Maybe even bitter.
Barbara Sher’s advice set me free to see the wanting as a gift, telling me more about my own desires. As envy revealed my desires, my desires became my goals. And once I was clear about my goals, I could take action. Action itself is the antidote to the roiling of envy. One thing she reminds us is not to fall into “all or nothing thinking” about our goals. So rather than: “I have to be as famous/successful/rich/powerful as Oprah, and I never will, so forget it!” we can start on our path with Oprah as our North Star and see what happens. Action always creates change, unsticks us, and gives us sovreignity—self rule. Rather than feeling like I have to be as extraordinary as Emma Thompson, I can take concrete steps to emulate the things I admire about her. Her acting is courageous; I can take more creative risks. She is an outspoken activist; I take part in causes I believe in. She produces work in multiple realms—writing, acting, directing; what an invitation to expand my own creative expression!
This week, if we find ourselves in the claws of comparison, feeling jealous or envious:
NOTICE that yearning.
ASK: What direction is the sign-post pointing?
SET a small goal or large goal moving us in that direction.
TAKE one action to move towards that goal.
CHECK IN: How do we feel now?
REPEAT
Let me know how it goes!