Be a Great Audience and Watch Others Bloom
One of the greatest gifts we can give, and this is not hyperbole, is our attention.
In these posts, I’ve written about this in many ways: I’ve written of intention, which focuses our attention, we’ve talked about of the importance of knowing our audience and “the other” as we prepare for communication, we have touched on paying attention and listening, I wrote about “Blue Bathroom Coaching,” which reflects our coachees in a positive light, the Magical Ms. Busching who “gets” every one of her students, and I wrote about my father’s intention to be a “first class noticer.”
This week, we focus on all of those things; we focus on being a great audience so that others may bloom. It is that loving gaze, that absolute belief in us, that rapt attention, that deep engagement, that we emulate.
In order to be a great audience, we must disarm the impulse to judge, control, compare, or anything that focuses our attention back on ourselves. That is just ego.
Here are situations where being a great audience can have untold positive impacts:
AUDIENCE FOR AN EVENT No matter how many people are there, our upturned face, our rapt attention, can be the life-line for an anxious presenter.
BUSINESS, TEAM or BOARD MEETING Give the gift of our attention, “Yes, and-ing,” raising up, and making space for the ideas of others.
PANEL DISCUSSION I coach my clients to be deeply prepared so that when they are on a panel, they can be completely present. Often, we are reviewing notes or thinking about what we want to say next rather than giving the gift of our attention to the other panelists.
WITH STUDENTS Attention is validation, witnessing without controlling instills pride and self-belief.
WITH CHILDREN Attention is literally like sunlight for children. To be witnessed is to be. We may have to counter our impulse to help, coach, control. Watch out for “teaching moments” which may really be just a way of showing off or feeling useful. Let the child be the center of their own growth, their own failure and resurrection.
Practice
First, let’s conjure those moments when we have been the recipient of that radiance from others either on stage, in the board room, or with mentors, teachers, friends, or leaders.
Think back to people and moments when we have felt that deep attention from others. How did it make us feel? How did it impact our performance or sense of self?
Now, think back to moments when we have been that person or audience for someone else? What were we doing exactly? How did the recipient of our attention react, shift, change?
Resist the impulse when being an audience to fix, alter, judge. Just witness with awe.
Watch what blooms.