Last week we talked about having the courage to ask the hard questions, questions that may make us vulnerable, but which may open up new possibilities and opportunities. This week, we are the person being asked. This week, we need the courage to listen.

The first and most important thing to do is to...Read on.

“Vocation is the place where our deep gladness meets the world’s deep need.”

—Frederick Buechner--

This practice can apply to any kind of interview where we (feel) we are being chosen for something—jobs, schools, internships. All of these situations set up a power dynamic—the chooser and the chosen—that can rattle us, make us feel desperate, make us feel like we have to brag about ourselves and our accomplishments. We can fall into the “pick me!” mentality, rather than picking ourselves.

Please let that go.

Aside from the basics (to make enough money, to get experience and education), why are we applying for this opportunity? Usually, it is to find a great fit for what we want, what they want, what we have to offer, what they have to offer.

RESEARCH

Well before the interview...Read on.

This photo illustrates everything I want to share about having sway in relationships: the four dear friends deeply connected, their arms wrapped tight, embracing, girding, protecting, and yet separate, each individual freely expresses their own, joy, mischief, exuberance. In this series we have been playing with techniques to cultivate sway in our bodies, our content, and our work. A deep grounding, like tree roots, allows for strong branches to dance with the elements. How does this principal apply to relationships? How do we create relationships that sway, adapt, change, relationships that are deeply grounded, yet responsive to the dynamic elements of life? Read on…

In exploring John Gottman’s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, I begin with Defensiveness mostly because it is the one I find most common in my own relationships and interactions. Yes, indeed. Why? Because I want everyone to love me and I’m always right. A perfect recipe for defensiveness.

Gottman notes that defensiveness is usually a response to criticism (we’ll get to that!).

Importantly, Gottman reminds us that “being defensive never helps to solve the problem at hand.” Defensiveness does not work! It does not solve the problem! It only serves to dig deeper into the conflict.

What does Gottman advise as an antidote to defensiveness?  “The antidote is to …read on.

This week, we consciously introduce the 3 Communication Charmers: Curiosity, Contribution, and Commitment. When we proactively get Curious, Contribute to the conversation, and Commit to being present and paying attention, we generate creativity, trust, and connection.

Give it a go and see what changes…!

My father, Warren Bennis, used to say that if we find someone boring, it means we are not asking the right questions. My father was never bored and found everyone utterly fascinating.

Your challenge this week:

Make a conversation interesting by asking new questions.

Here’s how my father worked his magic…