Tricky Conversations: Respect

All tricky conversations require respect for the others involved. Even if we do not have respect for their ideas or behavior, we bring respect for their humanity.

“It was much later that I realized Dad's secret. He gained respect by giving it. He talked and listened to the fourth-grade kids in Spring Valley who shined shoes the same way he talked and listened to a bishop or a college president. He was seriously interested in who you were and what you had to say.”

—Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot, Respect

Negotiation expert (and my husband), Hal Movius, reminds us that in negotiations we treat others differently when relationships matter. And when do they not matter? Any negotiator knows that others will not be willing to work with us in the future if we do not take their needs, wants, and interests into account—when we do not show them respect. When relationships matter, everything changes. Even in the business world!

Polarizing conversations, negotiations, all-out arguments and fights, will go much better if we remember that relationships matter and speak from a place of respect.

If we simply cannot find anything to respect, we ask ourselves if we need to have this conversation at all.  Perhaps this is not a conversation, but a declaration, a moment we need to speak up to have a self. 

This week, when looking towards a tricky conversation, we find a way to respect the other person, no matter how contentious the situation.  How can we find their humanity?  How can we find empathy for their situation?  How can we see their struggle?  This does not mean giving up or allowing abuse, not at all.  It means caring enough to understand what is important to them.