Personality vs. Character
Living Colour, the amazing hard-rock band from the 80s, captured me with their song, Cult of Personality. I remember warming up to perform a play at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, roaming the cobblestone streets, my Walkman cranking their album, Vivid.
I'm the smiling face on your T.V.
I'm the cult of personality.
Our culture values “personality,” a certain type of loud, big, bold, almost performative presence. It’s like a fad, in style. The loudest, most expressive voice wins. Not necessarily the wisest, smartest, most creative, most compassionate, most insightful. So many artists, writers, leaders, actors (yes!), are in fact, very shy. The push to fit into the current love of the “big personality” can increase anxiety, comparison, and even lead to a sense of worthlessness. I see this in my clients who come to me saying they are getting 360 Feedback that they don't have "Executive Presence." When I ask what that means, they say they are given the feedback that they are too measured, thoughtful, listen too much, don’t jump right in. What a loss for those groups, teams, businesses, who miss out on the brilliance of the shy or introverted or simply thoughtful minds!
What is one to do if we are not born with a temperament that is naturally big, extroverted, boldly expressive? Our culture, our workplaces, our classrooms, seem to ignore us. And we are often told there is something wrong with us, when there is really something wrong with the temporary values of our system. The behaviors we value change over time. In the intro to QUIET: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, Susan Cain writes about how we used to value character (unseen goodness) and how we now value personality (the only worth is worth bestowed by the audience, by outward indices of success).
There is a magnetizing power in introverts and thoughtful people.
I am an extrovert. I have a big presence, I know. Part of my work is to notice the energy of others and calibrate my own energy so that I do not bulldoze over them and, in fact, stop talking long enough to invite them into the conversation. Then, I listen.
This week, let’s make space for people who do not raise their hands; take a breath instead of jumping in, have patience. And for those who are quieter, you have much to offer those of us who are loud and impatient. I invite you to step into the power of quiet and silence and model thoughtfulness. And when you do speak up, make sure people listen. We need your voice. I hope we can move away from the Cult of Personality and embrace character, once again.