The ROLES we play: from colleague to parent, from leader to coach
When we hear the phrase, “playing a role,” we often think of putting on a fake persona, being inauthentic. In reality, we show up in different roles all the time—we even wear different costumes for different roles! Think about dressing for work in a law office or at a restaurant—what would we wear for each? Think of what we wear to exercise vs. what we wear to a party—from shoes to hair, we change every aspect of our appearance. Parent, teacher, friend, partner, coach, presenter, leader, collaborator, moderator, health worker, therapist, community organizer, writer, artist, filmmaker, journalist, grandparent, representative, advisor, mentor, sibling, the list of roles we play, often daily, is inexhaustible. And none of these roles are inauthentic; we move from role to role seamlessly and constantly.
Trouble arises when there is a lack of clarity around the role we’re called upon to play or when we feel uncomfortable stepping into a certain role.
ROLE AMBIGUITY
A client called to talk through her virtual meetings. She said the team was struggling to get things done and lacked a sense of cohesion. My first question was, “Who leads the meetings?” She said, “Oh, I mean, sometimes I set the agenda, but nobody really leads the meeting. We want to have an inclusive culture, so leave a lot of flexibility.” This lack of clarity in role was not serving the team. Nobody knew who was watching the time, focusing the attention, facilitating the agenda. I asked her to step clearly into the role of facilitator for the next few meetings. She then assigned the role to others so that everyone on the team had the chance to facilitate. They not only got a lot more done, but each of them learned the skills of facilitation, as well. Clarity of role is vital.
ROLE DISCOMFORT
Sometimes we do not step into a role because we are afraid or have internalized the idea that we are not up to it, not worthy, not prepared, not experienced, not fundamentally enough. To that I say, get prepared. We need all hands on deck.
Recently I was approached by a friend and neighbor to throw my hat in for an interim spot on our local City Council. A feeling of dread enveloped me every time I imagined applying. At first I thought, “I should probably listen to this.” Right? It is vital to listen to our feelings, intuitions, body responses. Right? I kept moving forward, though, talking to friends who had worked in the city government, friends who had been on City Council, gathering information, data, and a team of experts to support the holes in my knowledge—an urban planner, a long-time city employee, a climate scientist. When I felt confident that I had something unique to bring to this role, I was still left with the dread and terror of stepping into the public space. In a fortunate flash of clarity I realized that I was allowing my fear to guide my work in the world. How absurd! I was certainly not going to stop myself from stepping up and stepping in to help because I was afraid; I was not going to let fear dictate my actions. No.
This week, we do three things:
Notice all of the roles we play—which ones are easy, which do we dislike and why, which do we avoid.
Demand clarity when roles are ambiguous or ill-defined.
Step into at least one role that may be uncomfortable or even terrifying. Just give it a try. We need you.