Remember the urban legend of the mother picking up a VW Bug to save her baby?  That act is pure intention with immediacy and high stakes.  That mother’s action, thought, behavior, voice, and words are completely aligned.  Her Big Why, her overarching purpose, may be to raise an adult that will contribute to the world.  Her immediate intention is simply to save her child.   She is not thinking about herself, her own safety, what she might look like, or what others might think of her.  Her focus on wholly on the child, the other. She takes immediate action in a matter of life and death.  The highest stakes possible.

The above scenario has elements that we can translate into helpful tools for any speaker: role (mother), given circumstances (child under car), purpose (to care for this vulnerable human), intention…Read on.

This photo of Francoise Gilot illustrates a dynamic between power and authority. Picasso: older, male, White, famous, but in the background. Francoise: young, a woman, also a painter, but most famous for being Picasso’s partner. Francoise’ image dominates the photo, not only taking up the space close to the camera, but with her expression—looking towards, but not at her partner, her mouth set, determined, trepidation in her eyes. There is so much to investigate about the balance of power and authority in this photo. It is certainly a complex analysis—a fluid dance between the many ways we gain and lose power and authority as our cultural and organizational values change, as our roles change, as we age, as we accomplish, as we amass wisdom, wealth, and respect. And, importantly, as our own internal sense of confidence and worth shifts and grows. In working with my clients, I find it helpful to distinguish between power and authority. Generally speaking, “power” means …Read on.

When we hear the phrase, “playing a role,” we often think of putting on a fake persona, being inauthentic. In reality, we show up in different roles all the time—we even wear different costumes for different roles! Think about dressing for work in a law office or at a restaurant—what would we wear for each? Think of what we wear to exercise vs. what we wear to a party—from shoes to hair, we change every aspect of our appearance. Parent, teacher, friend, partner, coach, presenter, leader, collaborator, moderator, health worker, therapist, community organizer, writer, artist, filmmaker, journalist, grandparent, representative, advisor, mentor, sibling, the list of roles we play, often daily, is inexhaustible. And none of these roles are inauthentic; we move from role to role seamlessly and constantly. Trouble arises when …Read on.

One of our kids’ favorite soccer coaches, Coach Erick, used to say, “I won the parking lot!” I asked what he meant by that and he said that he always parks in front of the other coach’s car. He knew that the game began in the parking lot, if only psychologically. And that psychological “win” set the stage for the game itself. He was in his role as coach from the moment he pulled his car into the lot. When does an event begin? When are we officially in the public role? Read on…

While studying at the Smith College School for Social Work, we were asked to face, own, and acknowledge the power dynamic inherent in any therapeutic relationship. No matter that we were young-ish, still-in-training therapists, the roles assigned, “therapist” and “client,” create an unequal power dynamic. No matter our age, race, gender, level of experience or education, in that particular relationship, we, the burgeoning therapist, are seen as the “expert.” We have the power, whether we know it or deserve it. At Smith, we were taught to become aware, acknowledge, and work to equalize this dynamic. Our goal was to shift the dynamic as much as possible so that our clients had power over their own treatment.

This week, we broaden our awareness of our own power and seek to find more balance by doing these three things…read on.