Some of us may be tempted to take a beta blocker, a shot of booze, or a gummy to help with public speaking anxiety.  Before we do, please consider the audience and the right they have to a great talk.  The drug may dampen our own anxiety, but it may also dampen our performance.  There are certainly other ways to manage our anxiety that do not hurt our delivery.

I work from the premise that when a reaction is caused by a thought, it can be managed by an action.

I worked for several months with a brave soul who had taken a strong stand against the unethical practices of the company for which he had worked.  His talk preparation progressed beautifully until a few days before when he showed up to rehearse.  His words seemed labored and leaden; his speech was…Read on.

Last week we talked about having the courage to ask the hard questions, questions that may make us vulnerable, but which may open up new possibilities and opportunities. This week, we are the person being asked. This week, we need the courage to listen.

The first and most important thing to do is to...Read on.

Sometimes I feel uprooted, unfocused, disconnected from myself and the world around me. This is not to be confused with seeing the big picture, reading the room from a role of leadership. As communicators, we have tools to reconnect, reground, re-focus, so that we can be embodied, present, and connect with others. Here are a few simple tools I use to ground myself…Read on.

Watching a video of a stage play I did years ago, I was stunned to notice that I sounded like Minnie Mouse. On helium. I know this about myself, that I speed up, but to see the proof was a great reminder that one of my consistent communication challenges (aside from my handwriting!), is that I gallop ahead leaving my audience behind. So many things can contribute to speaking quickly—anxiety, feeling like the content is boring, being type-A, going on auto-pilot. The end result is the same: we are not present, we are not connected to the other/audience, and we miss the opportunity to connect, lead, have impact, move others to action, change ideas, attitudes, and, importantly, to be moved, to be impacted and influenced, to learn from others and our audience. Remember, the best talks and presentations are relational. Instead of telling my clients to “slow down,” I ask them to…Read on.

This morning I took my dog on a walk in the woods. A place I’d never been. At some point I realized I was lost. I went around a bend, hoping to see a familiar landmark, but found a whole new path. I knew exactly what I needed to do next: panic. My heart started racing. My voice went up an octave, “It’s OK, Harpo, we’ll make it home…” My eyes darted here and there. I started running through the wet, tick-infested poison ivy. Rounding the corner, I came across a big log to sit on with a sign reading, “Breathe. Listen.” I stopped. Looked around for the wood nymph, Puck, playing games with me. Then, I laughed and followed Puck’s wise advice. I sat down. I took a deep, fresh breath. I listened. I heard the wind. A bird. And then soft voices. And a car. Aha! That way!

This is exactly what I say to clients when they get lost on stage.

Breathe. Listen. The way home will become apparent.

This is what I practice with my clients:…Read on.

This week we focus on the 4th of Gottman’s horsemen: Stonewalling. Dr. Jim Coan worked with Gottman and said that when coding couples in the “Love Lab,” they would note one partner literally turn away from the other. Stonewalling is when one partner removes themselves from the conflict rather than going towards it. We can see that sometimes this might be the best thing to do—when we are being baited or lured into a rabbit hole. But if stonewalling is a recurring habit, the relationship suffers. Knowing how to recognize and walk away from a rabbit hole or an unhealthy dynamic is vital; stonewalling is only harmful when it becomes our default.

Gottman says that we stonewall when we are physiologically flooded—often as a result of too much of the first three horsemen!

What’s the antidote? Read on…

The simplest, most accessible, most profound tool we have to enhance our presence, is with us every moment. Our breath.

Calming breath is used for anxiety, vocal quality, grounding, finding your authentic voice, transitions, to connect to your self, to connect with your emotions, and to connect with your audience.

This week, we breathe!