A conversation that raises our heart rate, that leaves us flustered, that gives us a pit in our stomach or butterflies in our heart, is a tricky conversation. These will differ for everyone—flirting or asking for a raise can be hard for one of us and easy for another. But we all have moments when we feel the blood pumping and know something important is at stake.

The first thing we ask ourselves is: “Is this conversation worth the risk?” Then, “What is at risk if we DO NOT______ (disagree, ask for what we want, set a boundary)?”

Some of the hardest conversations to have are the ones we must have. There can be a dread or fury that lives in our own bodies, in our cells, that hurts us and calcifies over time, if we do not speak out. We think we can…Read on.

My friend, Dana Ainsworth, created something called, The Wonder Club. She curates experiences to bring us back to a sense of wonder. Her events are heavily structured and developed in advance so that we are effortlessly tossed into a wild, chaotic, whimsical moment of deep connection with ourselves and with the group. That, is sway. Again, we start with structure in order to find freedom. What are the structures, the skills and techniques, we practice so that we communicate with sway in our lives? can tell you mine…Read on.

One of the many things I have learned from Dr. Jim Coan is that, unlike Gottman’s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, which are contorted anger, direct expression of anger is…just fine. In fact, it is probably very healthy to get angry, directly, rather than holding it in, which can lead pretty quickly to more toxic behaviors like criticism and contempt.

What does direct anger look like? According to Jim Coan, direct anger simply means, “STOP! Enough! Basta! No more!” It is putting up a hard boundary that says, “NO! No more, absolutely not.” Usually this kind of direct anger comes after every other tool in the chest has been used to no avail.

What does it feel like? Read on…

Why do we communicate?

Sometimes, admittedly, we speak just to have a sense of self, as Harriet Lerner reminds us in her wonderful book, The Dance of Anger (more on that in another post). Sometimes we speak out-loud to figure something out—think of Hamlet’s “to be or not to be” soliloquy. But most of the time, we communicate to ignite a give-and-take, to be in relationship with the other, the audience, friend, partner, team.

This week, include your audience, ask yourself…read on…