Some times I love to hear just the voice, the simplest voice, tell a story. No embellishment so that my mind can create castles out of words. Sometimes I love a voice to play characters. Lynn Redgrave reading Cornelia Funke’s Inkheart is extraordinary. And on stage, when I can see the whole person, I love to see the story—not acted out, exactly, but “shown.” Miranda Hope told her story at our Charlottesville TEDx Open Mic and we asked her. ..Read on

According to John Gottman:

“Contempt is the single greatest predictor of divorce. It must be eliminated.”

In Gottman’s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, contempt is by far the most toxic to relationships. Contempt is characterized by being brutally mean in a way intended to make the other person feel “despised and worthless.” Behaviors such as mocking, ridiculing, name calling, mimicking, eye-rolling, sneering, scoffing, all code as contempt. Notice the facial expression in the accompanying photo of Dr. Jim Coan modeling contempt: one side of the mouth is raised in a sneer. There is a sense of superiority and distaste, almost disgust.

Gottman and Coan looked at couples. But we all know that contempt sneaks into the work place, certainly into politics, and more and more into what used to be simple disagreements. If contempt is the most toxic behavior in intimate relationships, it is certainly toxic elsewhere.

What does Gottman prescribe as the antidote? Read on…

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I talk too much. I know it. Not all the time, thank goodness. And I also know my triggers: anxiety, being full of myself, having too much fun, and simply forgetting to include others. Dr. Jim Coan, a UVa psychology professor who studies the psychophysiology of attachment, associates over-talking with dominating. Yikes.

This week, we take note when we find ourselves talking too much, forgetting to listen.

And then we take these steps…read on.