The idea that we can control the way others feel is, of course, folly. And managing others’ expectations is a folly of monumental proportions!

“I don’t want them to get their hopes up. What if they don’t make the team?”

“I’m afraid that they’ll be disappointed if we can’t afford it. So I don’t want to even float the idea.”

“I worry that if I give them a raise, they’ll expect a bigger office, too.”

“I don’t even want to say yes to coffee—what if they think I’m interested in being more than friends?”

When we found out I was pregnant at age 39 after almost a year of trying, I guarded the news closely to “manage the expectations” of everyone—my parents, my siblings, my husband’s parents and siblings, my friends. Why? I did not want to get their hopes up! Because I might lose the child. And they would be devastated! Or I would be devastated? Of course, it was all about me. A wise therapist reminded me of this, saying: Read on…