Poise: Self-Aware vs. Self-Conscious

I love this photo of Agni Handy. She is self-aware (looking at the camera, breathing, engaging), and yet not self-conscious. There is an ease about her. We all can sense the difference between the two ways of being. When we are self-conscious, our focus is inward and often self-critical. When we are self-aware, we are able to balance our presence and behavior with an outward focus on others and the world around us. We are poised between the two.

Agni is a professional actor, so she has years of practicing this balance; she has poise. Actors have to remember their lines, where they need to stand to be seen by the camera and hit by the light, AND be present, available emotionally, and fully alive to the moment.

How can we move from being self-conscious to being self-aware?

Here are two tiny adjustments anyone can practice:

1) Breathe. Consciously, deeply. This grounds us, eases tension, and helps us be present.

2) Put your focus outside of yourself by having a clear intention.

Remember, intentions are:

• An action, a verb, rather than a state of being (“to cheer up,” vs. “to be happy.”)

• Framed in the positive (“to beam love,” vs. “to not look silly.”)

• FOR others, the audience (“to include,” vs. “to impress.”)

This week, see if you can find that poise, that ease, that self-awareness by breathing deeply and practicing intentions that connect us.