Practice in Awkward Situations

I was working with an accomplished leader who moved to a new organization where she took on a bigger leadership role.  She was excited about the new job, but found herself physically shaking while speaking to the group.  She would forget where she was, had to refer to her notes, and the paper would rattle so loudly that her colleagues in the audience looked concerned.  She had never experienced anxiety in public speaking before. Now she panicked at the thought of her next team meeting or training.  Her panic mounted as the annual company retreat loomed closer. She would be introducing, moderating, and hosting the event in her new role, which, of course, triggered more anxiety!

We worked together crafting her words, anticipating every possible variation; she went to the space and familiarized herself with the logistics; she knew her conten inside and out.  We had talked frankly about the psychological barriers that women often meet when rising in organizations and her own relationship to power.  We were both relieved and confident that the work she had done was going to bring great results.

When I checked in to see how it went, she told me that she had been shaking so hard that she sounded as if she was crying.  Maybe she was!  Her supervisor took her aside to make sure she was alright.

What had we missed? 

In theater, we have a whole week dedicated to working in the space, with all the tech from sound and lights, to costumes and props.  This is called “tech week.”  Then, we have a few nights or even weeks of performing in front of an audience before the official opening.  This is called, “previews.”  My poor client had never had this opportunity.  We had never given her an opportunity to practice in the space and with a preview audience. 

In theater, a preview audience knows that they are witnessing part of the rehearsal process. There may be an assistant stage-manager “on book,” (holding the script) so that when an actor needs a line, they can call out and have it read to them; there may be stops and starts; there may be whole scenes re-run.

In the case of public speaking, a preview audience may be our book group, family, or trusted office-mates. It could mean presenting your talk for the local university or church group.  Find an audience and give it a go!

Now, I build this part of the process into my coaching when the stakes are high.

In the first year of the Charlottesville TEDx, I asked my kids’ school if I could use the theater.  I wanted to give our speakers the opportunity to rehearse their talks with a small, invited audience on an actual stage before the tech rehearsal at the 1000-seat Paramount Theater.  I invited the other coaches and speakers to join us.  We learned so much!  The speakers had the first taste of including the audience, lifting their heads to the balcony, finding the light, knowing how to hold for laughs, learning which jokes didn’t work, noticing when the audience was fidgeting or lost, practicing entering and exiting, moving around the large stage, pausing to breathe at the beginning and the end. 

It became clear that those who had had the opportunity to practice in this way came to the main stage for the chaotic and high-pressure tech rehearsal with a sense of ownership and play that others did not.

We also learned that year, to make doing the entire talk during the tech rehearsal a requirement.  Of course, the tech crew has one objective: to practice the lights, sound, microphones, set, talk timer, the slides—anything technical.  So they often just need a “cue-to-cue,” which means simply moving from one tech cue to the next, and skipping the middle or the text.  We learned that year that those speakers who chose not to run their entire talks were far less present, prepared, and connected to the audience during the performance.  And those who ran their entire talk from entering the stage to exiting were able to come alive during the performance.  So now we ask (require) that all speakers take advantage of this opportunity.

Next time we have a presentation or tricky conversation coming up, we practice in an awkward situation, knowing that it will feel very strange, maybe embarrassing, but that it is far better to have those moments of discomfort with a small, handpicked audience than going through that vital phase during the performance.