Faking It
“…if your spontaneous cheerfulness be lost, …sit up cheerfully and …act and speak as if cheerfulness were already there…So, to feel brave, use all of our will to that end, and a courage-fit will very likely replace the fit of fear.”
There used to be a big split between the English method for acting and the American method. In the US, we adhered to Stanislavski’s method where we work from the “inside-out,” meaning we create a vivid inner life and history for the character and want to feel what the character feels authentically. In the old British school—think John Gielgud, Maggie Smith, and Laurence Olivier—actors worked from the “outside-in,” starting with a fake nose or limp to create a character.
There’s a great story about Dustin Hoffman, trained in the US, and Olivier, the master of English theater, when they worked together on the film, Marathon Man. Hoffman, in order to get ready for a particularly brutal scene where the character had not slept for days…did not sleep for days! Olivier thought this was ridiculous and said simply, “My dear boy, why don’t you try acting?”
Personally, I use both methods as an actor and as a communicator, as long as the method creates an authentic experience. Of course, we can tell if someone is “faking it.” A tight smile, a false show of concern. That is not the goal here. As the speaker, we use the “outside-in” method only when it creates a real experience. And, we all can feel the difference. So pay attention.
A client came to me for help with “executive presence.” She was a COO of a global company and in her annual review got feedback that she did not “seem” like a leader. They were vague about what that meant, so I was immediately concerned this was simply about gender—the idea that women just don’t “seem” like leaders is a common way to hide outright sexism. However, the moment she walked into the room, I knew they were right.
Her shoulders were hunched as if she were hiding, her voice was pinched and nasal, her eyes suspicious and darting. She probably had every reason to protect herself as a woman in a male-dominated industry, but it certainly did not serve her.
Instead of going immediately to the inner work and teasing apart the life-long habits that resulted from life-long experience, we started from the outside-in. We simply did body and voice work. And something miraculous happened: as soon as she sat up with poise, as soon as her voice opened up to a rich timber, she felt different. She felt more confident. She felt more powerful. She felt more at ease. And, those around her responded differently to her presence—they listened, they showed respect, they admired her and valued her input.
As my client felt the shift in attitude of others, her confidence increased, and so on. A positive cycle of the interaction between self and other continued to reinforce her sense of herself as a strong, competent, worthy leader. Starting from the outside.
There has been controversy about the validity of Amy Cuddy’s “power poses,” but any actor knows that how we move, how we hold ourselves, how we stand and speak, all impact not only how we feel, but how we are perceived.
This week, we practice “faking it” by starting from the outside-in. Maybe we would like to be more confident, stronger, more compassionate, a better listener, more patient, more diligent, more at ease, more competent. We first look at those around us who have those characteristics and behaviors. What does it look like? How do they stand? How do they speak? How do they behave? What do they spend their time doing? How do they interact with others? Really notice, pay attention.
Then, we play with those behaviors, try them on like a costume, see what it feels like and see how others respond to us. Watch out for forcing ourselves, disavowing and pushing away our emotions. We allow the real emotion to be there while also allowing the new pattern or behavior to work on us, to influence, to have sway. It’s a dance. Let me know how it goes.