A year ago exactly, I wrote a post inspired by a dear friend, Deborah Lawrence about how to make friends. This past weekend I read a “Top Ten Things to Say to Make Friends” list written by a cherished family friend, Zoie. Zoie has many talents—she is a communicator, a community-maker, a leader (her school paper recently published an article about Zoie titled, “A New Leader Arrives”), and a very good friend to many. She listens deeply, answers every text within minutes, speaks out with courage, and is an unwavering, undaunted, supporter of the successes of others. A true friend. With her permission, I publish her list here. …Read on.

My dear friend, and friend to many, Deb, said the simplest and truest thing on our walk today. She tossed it away as if this was common knowledge: three things to do in order to make friends. Now listen, I am a big fan of Dale Carnegie and there is a reason his book, How to Win Friends and Influence People is still a best-seller 85 years since it first hit the bookstores. And yet, notice the language, “how to win friends.” For all his brilliance, Dale Carnegie puts me off when he uses the word “win” in relation to friendship. Not to mention the Machiavellian tone of influencing people!

Deb talked about making friends. Reminding us that friendship is built, forged, takes time and attention. ‘Winning’ reminds me of horse races with winners and losers.

Deb said simply, “Everyone knows how to make friends! You just have to…read on!